Breaking Down
by xMoose
Summary: Wrote this before Breaking Dawn came out. This is my version of the 4th book of the Twilight series...amazingly enough there are many similarites with the actual Breaking Dawn. Check it out for youself. More details inside & in the profile. R&R!


**NOTE:** A lot of fans wrote their own 'Breaking Dawns' to make the wait easier and I did as well. So, I wrote this a year and a half ago to quench my thirst. Though, I think this sucks, I was really proud of it at the time. I'm pleased further since my style has drastically changed and improved. I want you to note all the **similiarites** of this with the true Breaking Dawn. I really did write this before it came out. You can check out proof and read further information by visiting the link in my profile. Thanks!

This a fanfiction. I am **not** Stephenie Meyer, everything Twilight related belongs to her, including the characters of the following FANfiction. The opening is part of the song 'Apologize' by group 'One Republic' It's their song, not mine **:)**

_I've always wanted to say thattt._

* * *

**breaking dawn - **_my version_

"I'd take another chance,

Take a fall; take a shot for you,

And I need you like a heart needs a beat.

But it's nothing new.

I loved you with a fire red,

Now it's turning blue."

_-Apologize; One Republic _

* * *

**Preface –**

My heart raced and beat as loud as thunder on a stormy night; it was ecstatic. I looked into the eyes of my husband. Those beautiful, gold eyes. The ones I would soon have. Soon - I would be reborn a savage, with a wild thirst. A thirst for blood. I would be unleashed into the night world with blood raged eyes. It would take years of conquering peace for me to get those beautiful eyes. The eyes that held such soothing serenity.

I needed blood. Blood, which raced through my veins, all over my body. Blood, which was shed over war and battles. Blood, which was sacrificed for peace and love. I would need blood.

Was I making the right choice? Of course I was. All the pain and suffering of my loved ones would be gone. No danger would ever threaten them. And best of all, I would be with and Edward and the rest of the Cullens for all of eternity. I would be beautiful and I would look as if I really belonged with him. How could this not be the best choice?

Jacob Black entered my mind, right on cue, in fact. And my best friend? What would become of him? He would get over it. He would have to. He would imprint. That was a feasible enough of an option.

I cannot back out now. My dream, which haunted me at night, was now only a little ways away.

I had promised Edward I wouldn't shed another tear for Jacob Black. I have to keep that promise. So many promises. I just can't keep everyone happy, can I?

"Bella?" his musical voice interrupted my thoughts, "are you sure if this is what you really want?"

"Yes, Edward," I looked up at him, "I'm sure."

"I love you, forever and always."

"I love you." I vowed. He bent down and pressed his cold lips against my throat.

I prayed for this to be over soon.

**Chapter 1 –**

The wedding was now only a month away. What I really wanted was a month away. What I _really_ craved for was a month away. I couldn't decide if it was enough time or not. If a month was too long to wait, or too short -just beyond my reach.

"Bella? Ready to go?" Asked Edward, from where he lay comfortably on my bed. His gold eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Better now, then ever." I muttered in disgust. We were supposed to meet Alice at one for discussing the final plans for the wedding. Knowing Alice, she had already had half the wedding planned before even Edward proposed. Her and her physic abilities.

"It really won't be all the bad, Bella. I promise." Said Edward, kissing my hand as he took it in his. I rolled my eyes in response. We trudged down the stairs to say good-bye to Charlie.

I remember the day we had told Charlie that Edward and I were getting married. It was only two weeks ago in fact, and I remember him being completely haywire. I chuckled easily at the memory because now, I was able to.

Edward and I raced the storm home, beating it by minutes, before the first few drops of rain had started to pour. Charlie had answered the door with his sluggish expression on. He wasn't surprised to see neither of us there. He surveyed our faces and gave a sigh. Mine probably had showed signs of a nervous breakdown approaching; even Edward seemed a little hesitant.

"I, er…suppose you have something to share with me?" I didn't know if he already knew what this was about, or if he just got this from our silent expressions. Charlie moved over and let us inside. He made his way into the living room and sat down on the couch, propped his leg on the edge, and muted the game on the T.V. He noticed Edward and me still standing.

"So what's up?" He asked. Edward shifted his stance.

"Dad…" I hesitated. "Edward and I…" Charlie had my attention now. Probably starting off with an "Edward and I" wasn't such a good idea as an opener.

"What? What is it? Are you pregnant? Isabella! How could you let this happen?" He went completely berserk, giving Edward an unpleasant glare.

"NO, dad. That's not it!" I hollered, trying to calm him down.

"We're…we're" I tried again, completely failing.

"Getting married." Finished Edward smoothly, as he put his hands on my shoulder, like a good fiancé should. Fiancé. Hmm.

"Yeah. That." I said. Charlie looked at me. His face flashed different amounts of emotion. If I wasn't so nervous, I would have laughed. Suddenly he stood up, full of shock, as it all sunk it.

"What? Getting married. Well…well, that's completely…"

"Wonderful, I hope." I managed.

"I was going with unheard of, Bella! You're too young to get…married." He choked out the last word.

"Now Charlie…" Started Edward.

"_You_, sit down, cowboy." Charlie pointed his finger at Edward. Edward held up his hands to show he was surrendering and sat down for the moment.

"When Alice told me a surprise was coming my way, I didn't think of this. Bella, as I said you are not getting married," he exclaimed, "And that is final."

"But Dad!" I protested.

"None of that "But Dad" crap." He firmly said.

"Fine. I'll move out." I hated to bring that into our argument.

"Oh? And where will you go?" He asked, almost confidently.

"I'll live with Edward, of course." I said. It was every father's worst nightmare, when his daughter moved out at 18 to go live with her boyfriend.

"What? You're not going to go live with him." He was dumbfounded.

"Watch me," I said and climbed up the stairs, "Come on, Edward."

Edward let a sigh and passed a "gleeful" Charlie.

"Bella! Wait until I tell your mother." He threatened. I stopped dead in my tracks. I had forgotten about my mother.

"She will never let you put up with this." Charlie continued, as he was pleased to find my weakness.

"I'll find a way." I said and walked into my room, slamming my door, forgetting Edward. Remembering him, I opened the door to let him in. He wasn't there. I began to panic.

"Bella." Said Edward. I turned around to find him already in the room.

"Sorry. Help me pack, please."

"Are you sure that this is the way you want to do it?"

"It's the only way now. Wait, is it okay if I live with you?"

"Of course, Bella." He said, as he tossed a pile of clothes. In just a few minutes we had everything packed. We were ready to go.

"Remember, down the stairs and out the door. Don't say anything, don't show any sign of weakness." I said.

"I don't think I would have a problem with that." Edward replied.

"I know. I was talking to myself."

"Right." He checked.

"Let's go." Edward and I went down the stairs, blocked by an unhappy Charlie. He was standing in front of the door, with his arms crossed, letting me know I wasn't going anywhere with Edward.

"You go out the back door, I'll distract him, and use the front. I'll meet you in the car." I quickly whispered my new master plan to Edward.

"Bella." He groaned.

"Yes. _Bella_. I'm not going to let you leave. Not like this." Charlie demanded.

"Then, how, Charlie? How are you going to let me go?

"You need my blessing, of course. You need my blessing to move out, you need my blessing to get married."

"Well I already asked."

"No, you didn't."

"Actually, Charlie. We did. In a way. Sort of." Interrupted Edward.

"Oh really?" Asked Charlie.

"Yes. Do you recall a phone call from Alice about a week ago?"

"The one about surprises?" Asked Charlie.

"No, the one before." Edward simply said. Charlie thought, and hesitated.

"What does that have to do with my blessing?"

"I think Alice had slipped in a conversation about Bella and I getting married."

"I think she might have…"

"And you said that as long as Bella was happy, you would approve of our marriage." Bingo! Edward had made our point.

"But that's hardly fair! I thought she meant after a few years. When the time is right."

"Don't you see Charlie? The time _is_ right. Bella and I love each other more than anything. And the timing is perfect, right before college. I promise I will take good care of her and make sure she would get her studying done." Argued Edward.

"But, she's too young. And it's so soon."

"Dad, you and mom got married young, too."

"And look how it ended!" he pointed out, a little sadly.

"Dad, remember that feeling, please. Nothing will happen. We promise. Edward and I are…different." I said. I could see a break in Charlie's thinking. He wavered before he answered.

"Fine." He grumbled. Then he cleared his face off of any negative expressions. "You have my blessing." Said Charlie.

"Oh thank you!" I rushed over to give him a hug, something we both weren't used to.

"But you are to live in this house until the day of the wedding."

"That's fine, dad. Thank you." I hugged him tighter.

"And, well you better tell your mother. You know how she hates being updated about these things last," He rolled his eyes, "By the way, congratulations." He smiled now.

Back in reality, I remembered where Edward was taking me. I groaned in horror. Charlie looked up from the game.

"Have fun kid." Said a fairly content Charlie.

"Oh she will." Edward chuckled. I groaned again.

Out the door, the soft putter of the rain greeted us. Once we were in the car, Edward sighed. I looked over, curious. He answered my thoughts.

"A month away."

"Thanks for reminding me."

"Hey, don't do that." Edward exclaimed as he started the engine.

"I'm sorry, it's just that…"

"I know, I know. The whole marriage deal. But I'm certainly going to keep my part of the deal." He flashed me a mischievous smile. The trees began to whiz by in a green haze.

"Oh, you know you want me." I giggled.

"Yes, and I _almost_ gave you what you wanted…" He teased.

"That's right, and I really did deserve it." I grinned.

"Oh yeah? For being, what? A naughty girl?" he said with a smile. I couldn't help but laugh. "But I do believe you stopped me." He continued.

"Augh, that's right. I was pretty much crazy to pass you down."

"Yup, crazy's a good enough word." He joked. I slapped him lightly on his arm.

"Careful, I'm driving." Warned Edward, with a bit of humor lingering in his voice.

"Yeah, at ninety miles per hour." I added.

"You sure are a handful Bella," He laughed, "I sure can't wait."

"Mmhm."

"No wonder Renée got rid of you." he teased.

"Hey! That was completely my choice! And you know that." I argued.

"Yes, I know. I was just kidding. But I'm sorry." He apologized. "I regret that I said that, but I'm glad that you did make that decision." He reached over and kissed my hand. "To move here, I mean."

"I am too." I squeezed his cold hand.

"We're here." He announced as he parked in the drive.

"Let's just get this over with." Edward just laughed.

I was surprised to see Jasper there. And then I suddenly understood once I saw the stacks of paper waiting on the dining table.

"Alice? Is Jasper really necessary?" I asked huffing.

"Oh, thanks, Bella. It means a lot." Said Jasper, sarcastically, but he gleamed a smile.

"Yes, Bella. It'll do some good on your nerves." I couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but I glared at her anyway. Edward pushed my shoulders down into a seat and took a spot next to me. It was just a few months ago when we sat in these seats, voting on my mortality. It had ended with me winning, by a long shot and Edward breaking the plasma T.V. But, the thing that mattered was that I was finally going to be apart of this family.

"Bella?" called Alice. I snapped back into reality.

"I was thinking a crème white, gold, with pink and red." She was enthusiastic. When I didn't say anything, her gesticulations stopped, her hands hanging in the air.

"What?"

"You're not making this any easier." She complained.

"Good." I answered. I could feel Edward grinning besides me.

"So you don't like it?" Her smile dropped. "Well there is the traditional white and baby blue scheme." She sighed. I thought that I could just say no, just to annoy her. But that would be too mean. I suddenly became soft; I was going to be living with her after all.

"No," I tried being manageable. It must have been Jasper trying to make me feel guilty. But this was my wedding, I did get a say in this. "I really liked the first one."

"Edward?" She turned to her favorite brother.

"Sounds good." He remarked.

"Good." Her lips tightened in a smile. "Now, time for the seating arrangements."

"Augh!" I groaned. I looked over to Edward, helpless. This never was going to end, was it? Edward just laughed, for what seemed like the millionth time today.

The rest of the afternoon dragged on painfully slow. At least we were done with wedding arrangements. Alice and I agreed on an open seating chart after an hours long debate. I had threatened that Edward and I would just go to Vegas without her. Edward lips had twitched fighting smiles throughout the whole event.

We went with the first color scheme Alice had mentioned. The flowers were ordered; the three-layer cake was set to bake. The menu was set. The dress had been adjusted to my exact fitting, including the bridesmaid dresses and the tuxes. And after a few phone calls everyone needed was hired. Everything was set, leaving the wedding barely three weeks away. I sighed.

The rain had stopped when Edward parked on the driveway. Though it was supposed to be light outside, the gray clouds hovered around every inch of the sun.

I was waiting for Edward to say something. I just looked out the window. I wasn't surprised though, when I turned to see that Edward was staring at me. Instead of feeling self-conscious, as usual, I tried to read his expression. His eyes bored into mine. As if he was trying to tell me something.

I could tell from the stare that something else, besides love and passion was hidden behind his warm topaz eyes.

"I love you," he finally said. Before I could even start to tell him even a fraction of what I felt for him, he leaned over.

And suddenly, we were kissing. Passionately. It was warm, but it was cold. It was bitter, yet sweet. He was gentle but vigorous at the same time.

I could taste something from his lips. I could almost read the message he was trying to tell me. I didn't know what it was. Inside, somewhere, something was telling me that I didn't want to know.

I didn't want to completely ignore the fact, but I climbed over on to his lap, now on his side of the car.

Surprisingly, he welcomed me and wrapped his arms around the small of my back. I reached to grab a fistful of hair, and wrapped my other free arm around his neck. He took the sign to continue. His hands slowly moved from my back, leaving a cold trail. His arms were inside my shirt, now, rubbing my goose bumps.

I jumped at his touch. I heard him chuckle, while I took a breather. I definitely didn't want to pass out right now.

The kisses turned hard. I wanted more. He wanted more. Finally, we were on the same page. I could feel his icy tongue around my lips, and slightly lingering inside my mouth. I was shocked. Once again, by how cold he seemed to be and at how far we had gotten. He exhaled and I could smell the sweetness from his breath. Almost on an instinct, I leaned in and suddenly exerted too much weight and his seat fell back. When I awkwardly got up, my elbow honked the horn.

_Oh crap_, I thought. I tumbled over onto my seat, as Edward pulled his own seat up. As Edward suppressed laughter, our eyes were on the window. The curtains flickered and there was Charlie.

Once he saw me, he waved, telling me to come in side. I flashed my palm, all fingers up in the air, the universal sign for five more minutes. I couldn't tell if he was happy or not. Or the fact that he saw me and Edward macking on each other. But he gave a slight nod and the gap in the curtains closed.

I smiled at Edward, and leaned in hesitantly, waiting for him to start. He didn't do anything for a few seconds. Maybe Charlie was watching from a different window. But he leaned in forward.

Honestly, I was a bit disappointed. The kisses were slower, softer, than the ones from two minutes ago. I grabbed his collar, pushing myself on to him, again. He pushed me up and away, slowly. He didn't say anything.

"What?" I gasped, "Is Charlie watching?" my tone changed, realizing what image would be on Charlie's face right now. I could see it now.

_"YES. Dad, I'm still a virgin!"_

_"Oh, so does that _include _that one time in Edward's car?" Charlie would roar. _I almost wanted to laugh_._

"No, something's missing." Said Edward. I relaxed.

"Well a bed would be kinda nice." I said jokingly, looking back at the back seat. "Or do you think we would be able to fit comfortably back there?"

"No, no. Bella. Something's…wrong."

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's not exactly for me to say," he hesitated. "I should go now."

"Oh, please. Edward, stay." I begged.

""No, I think Charlie's expecting you. I'll be here tonight, I promise."

"'Kay." I said as he kissed me on the forehead.

"Edward," I said before I was about to shut the door, "I love you, too."

"I know Bella."

"See you." I slammed the door and backed up into the grass as he drove away.

"Dad?" I called, once I was inside.

"Yeah, Bells, he replied, "in the kitchen." I sauntered into the kitchen, finding Charlie sitting on his dining chair, the phone on the table.

"It's Jake." Charlie started. Charlie looked up from the table, his face agonized with terror. "He hasn't come home in over two weeks. He's gone."

"What…what do you mean dad?" I stammered.

"I don't know. He just got up and left. He didn't come home. Billy and his pals knew that he was out. But he never…never came home."

"Jake…"I couldn't say the words running through my mind. "Gone?" I finished, grabbing a hold of the chair for support.

"Yeah, Bells. I'm sorry."

"I've…gotta get down there."

"Bella, honey, it'll be dark soon. Besides they've already started a search and got nothing. They're just waiting now." Added Charlie.

"No," I protested. "I'm going now."

"Does his running away, involve you?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure."

"Bella," he was clearly worried.

"No, Charlie. He's my best friend. I have to do something, anything." And with that I ran out the door. I pulled my jacket hood, as the sprinkles began to fall. I jingled my keys until I found the right one and unlocked the car door and sat. I looked out window, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, thinking.

I sighed, as I turned the keys and the ancient engine roared to life. I had a feeling that I knew what this was about. It was only logical that I was involved with his running away. And I'm not going to let this be my fault.

The rain was steady when I got to the Black house. I rushed to the door, sloshing through muddy puddles.

Billy was already at the door, waiting. I wasn't surprised. Charlie must have called him, informing of my coming visit.

"Bella." He sounded relieved. "Thanks for coming, but…"

"When did he go? Where could he have gone? Why…why would he do this me? You? Sam? The pack…Charlie?" I interrupted him with my thoughts.

"Well…" Billy was hesitating.

"What?" I demanded.

"He left just after he got the wedding invitation…"

"The invitation!"

"There's more." He added. My eyebrows rose, puzzled.

"Er, yeah. I believe…Edward, is it? He, um, wrote Jacob a little note…"

"What'd it say?" I questioned.

"I don't know. He took it with him before I got to read what it said." Billy said sounding disappointed.

Just then the door flew open. In stepped, Sam, Quil, Embry, Leah, and the rest of the pack. They looked tired, as usual.

"Bella." They all greeted in unison.

"Sam, I'm gonna try to find him."

"Bella, he'll be back. Give him some time." He calmly assured me.

"I can't." I quivered.

"Really, Bella. He'll be back soon. " Said Paul. I was a little surprised that he spoke up. He did look sad, despite his usual arguments with Jake.

"Besides, we already searched the area. _And_ _Alaska_…and all the way up to Canada. We can't read his thoughts. He's just too far…or…" Said Embry.

"Or what?" I asked, trying not to realize what that could mean. Jacob couldn't be de-NO! There was an awkward shuffle in the room.

"He could have somehow blocked his thoughts." Sam answered.

"What? How?" I demanded the answer.

"Well we don't know. Jacob is different. We're different than your average pack." Leah let out a slight smile.

"So, it's possible." She finished.

'"So, it's also possible that he's here, somewhere. You could have missed something." I stated another possibility.

"We couldn't have missed anything." Argued Quil. "We were thorough."

"But," interjected Sam, it is possible that he's back." He had a smile forming on his lips.

"Then I'm going to go." And this time no one stopped me.

I rushed back out into the cold rain.

"Bella, wait!" Called Leah's voice. I turned to find her right behind me.

"If you find him, Jake." She was having difficulty saying what she wanted to say. "Would you, please, tell him that I'm sorry? And that I was really worried. We all were."

"Of course, Leah."

"Thanks. Good luck!" she smiled. "Oh. And your best bet would be ten minutes north of here, in the woods. You know, if he might be back.

"Thanks." I smiled. Leah smiled her beautiful smile in response. I got into the truck and drove off

The rain had picked up in the last hour. It was icy and hard, giving me a reminder of Edward. It was hard, but I managed to put my thoughts of Edward to the side. It was time for Jacob right now. He had my undivided attention.

The rain slashed through my thin jacket leaving me cold and soaked. As I made my way through the thick lush of green, underneath the shield of tree leaves the rain became a soft drizzle.

"Jacob!" I wondered if calling him would do any good. It was more likely that he'd fine me first. I almost laughed at that thought.

"Jacob!" I called again and then again for what turned to the hundredth time. My voice cracked and went hoarse. It had been hours since I wasn't surrounded by dark green trees. I looked at my watch. It was almost 10:30.

The dark gray clouds had transitioned into night's clouds hours ago, but I hadn't noticed.

Cold and hungry, I lingered weakly from tree to tree. So this is what it felt like to be one of those restless spirits. I knew I was only in five miles at the most. I sighed at my slow progress. It could be hours before I would be on Jake's trail.

I need to find him, I thought. I can't let this be my fault. Jacob is my friend, and even though I promised not to shed another tear over him, it doesn't mean I can't protect him from the pain.

Oh, the pain I must be causing Jacob. Jacob is my best friend, and I would never want to hurt him. His pain was mine. Whatever choice I would make would affect someone greatly. In this case, it would be Jacob.

I am causing Jacob pain. My being with Edward, every second, is causing Jake horrible pain. It's as if I'm stabbing him with a knife over and over again. I cringed at the thought. The wound would never heal, whatever I would do. Whatever choice I would make. But, if I were to choice Jacob over Edward…

The other problem is that I could imagine my life with Jacob, perfectly. Clearly. Suddenly the image of Jacob and me flashed into my head. I was kissing him, Jacob. And then all of a sudden he vanished, and in his place was the big brown wolf, looking up at me with adoring eyes. Laughter coming from behind and turned the attention of the wolf to two dark-hair children, holding hands, racing over to me.

"Mommy!" One spoke, the youngest. Suddenly the wolf howled, as if in pain. A cold breeze swirled my hair around my face. A familiar aroma filled the woods. It was sweet. Edward, I mouthed.

"Mommy, I'm scared." Said the oldest, grabbing onto my pant legs.

I bent down and hugged both of them. Jacob was now in the wolf's place crouched in front of us, protecting us.

_"Run, Bella. Take Sarah and Aiden. Hurry!"_ He urged me through his thoughts. My feet didn't move, refusing Jacob's warning.

"Edward." I whispered in shock.

"Please, Bella. For the children's sake." This time I took Jacob's warning, and lifted Sarah, and grabbed Aiden's hand, taking them further into the woods, running. Running towards the clearing. A horrid howl filtered through the trees. Birds flew into the sky, screeching.

"My nose, Mom! It hurts!" Cried Aiden. Sarah began crying, I hugged them tighter, afraid. It was too late.

Edward stepped into the clearing, beautiful as ever. Blood around his teeth. He flashed a wicked smile, almost sweet and pleasant. His eyes were red and bloodthirsty, different than his naive topaz eyes. The children cried out in pain. I looked down, to find them covered in blood. And then they were gone. It was me and Edward. Alone. Jacob was gone. There was nothing to protect me.

"Bella." He simply said.

I woke up, groggy and confused. My face was streaked in tears and my clothes were torn. I sat up and checked the time. It was almost twelve. I was out for a while. I wiped the fresh tears, now forming in my eyes. I got up and continued searching for Jacob.

Soon, I approached a small clearing. I gasped. It could have been mine and Edward's, but I knew it wasn't. It was on the other side of the woods.

Moonlight strained through a gap in the trees. And then, there he was. My best friend. I fell to my knees, relieved. In the silhouette of the moon's cast, in a heap, and on the ground; there he was. He was bare-chested. He looked weak and pale, due to the moon's light. For a second, I imagined Jacob as a vampire. I shivered at the thought. And then another thought flooded my head. Panic filled my body. Was he…dead?

"Jake." My voice cracked. He didn't say anything. "Jake." I tried again, barely making a whisper.

I rushed over and bent down to his big body. He was cold. And that scared me.

"No Jake!" I cried. Fresh new tears ran down my already dirt caked face. I grabbed his head in one arm and wrapped my other arm around his upper body.

"Jake." I moaned.

"…Bella?" His eyes were now open, barely.

"Oh Jake!" I exclaimed, feeling so relieved.

"Bella!" he was surprised. "Where are we?"

"You mean you don't remember?" We're in clearing in the woods." I answered. He didn't say anything; instead he just sat up, struggling. He looked around everywhere, except at me.

"Jake. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why, did you do this?" I asked.

"Why? Why! Well Bella, you should now why!" I didn't say anything, feeling a little guilty. "I got the invitation."

"Yeah. Billy told me."

"Mmhm. So how are the plans going?" he asked, almost sarcastically.

"You mean for the wedding?" I asked. He nodded in response. "They're done. Thank God!" Jacob laughed.

"Jake, you're so cold." He stopped laughing and sat up straighter. He nodded. "Were you…?" I couldn't even finish the sentence.

"No. No! No!" he howled in laughter, as he realized what I was asking. I watched him roll around on the ground. I joined him and we were both laughing.

"I guess that's pretty silly." I said feeling a little stupid.

"C'hyea." He wiped a laughter tear away from my eyes. His touch was warm again.

"I don't want you to get married." He looked into my eyes.

"I know."

"Augh! I swear this world is so messed up!"

"Tell me about it." I chuckled.

"Bella. I ran…I ran because I couldn't take it anymore. Not just you. All of it. The pack, Leah, my dad, you. I just wanted to get away. Forget about it. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't."

"Me?" I was a little alarmed, but I already knew that this had something to do with me.

"Yeah, you. You're my best friend, Bella. And you're getting married to a guy you love. You're about to become my enemy. In a different world, I would be so happy for you. But in this world, in reality, he's taking you away from me. It's like he's taking the air from my lungs. How do you think I would feel?"

"Well, like you're gonna explode." I answered.

"Yup. Like a nuclear bomb." He spread out his hands to symbolize an explosion. "PshhBOOM!" I laughed.

It was so easy being with Jacob. My Jacob. Even though we were talking about the most serious things we always ended up laughing. How come it was never like this with Edward? I pushed that thought away from my mind.

"Bella, please. Please don't leave me. You know how I feel for you." he begged a little too dramatically. I wanted to laugh.

"I can't Jake. I mean I physically can't. And you know that."

"_Bella, you don't know that."_ He added emphasis on each word. "You've only been away from him a little while. Tell me the truth, if he hadn't come back, how long would you think it'd take for you and I to start…dating?" I cringed at thinking about last spring.

"A couple of years?" Honestly, I wasn't sure either. Jacob gave me a look.

"Fine. A few months." I bargained.

"Yeah. A year at the most."

"I don't know."

"I had a plan, Bella. I had everything all planned out. We were gonna date a few years. Get married. And, I don't know, have a couple of kids. We would have a nice life together. I could love you properly too, you know." In memory of my last dream, I began crying. He wrapped his big arms around me.

"It would have been." I agreed. He sighed." I'm sorry. I wish there was another way." I moaned.

"There's only one way, Bells."

"Never." I spat out. Jacob just rolled his eyes.

"I figured that much. At least Charlie would have liked it." He added.

"True, he would have. But he's fine with Edward, too, you know." I pointed out.

"Sure, sure." He grinned, oblivious.

"He is! And besides, this doesn't include Charlie."

"Mhmm," was all he said.

"Well, are you coming to our wedding?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Our wedding?" he asked.

"Mine and Edward's." I clarified.

"I prefer attending mine and yours'."

"Just answer the question, Jacob."

"I don't know," he finally answered.

"Well you should come." I insisted.

"Depends." A grin splashed across his warm face. "Do I get to be your best man?"

"Be serious, Jake. It's a big day and my best friend should be there."

"Right. I'll think about it, and let you know soon." He joked.

"Thanks. And I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I mean I can't blame you. He _is_ good-looking, "coughed Jacob, "and he has a ton of money. I mean his house…is ah-mazing. Sheesh. You two would be very happy together."

"No Jake!" I ignored the joke. "You know how I hate when you do that. I love him. Not for his wealth or beauty. I'd almost prefer if he wasn't so glamorous, so we would look better together from the outside. I'm hideous compared to him." I complained.

"All right. All right. But promise me something?"

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"Your first affair will be with me." He laughed.

"Haha. Very funny Jake."

"Do you promise?" he asked again, a little seriously.

"What?" I asked, again, not getting his question. "You mean you being my affair?"

"Yeah, that's right." He retorted.

"I can't promise anything. But we always wanted a _dog_." I simply teased, proud of my insult.

"Oh yeah?" He started.

"Hey, hey let's not go there." I interrupted, wanting to end the teasing before it got out of hand. "Speaking of going, do you wanna go back now?"

"Well, the rain's stopped. But I'm not ready to go back just yet. So if it's okay…with you, I'd like to spend the night here." He waited for my answer. I didn't need much convincing. It was the least I could do.

"Okay." I sighed, giving him a warning with my glare.

"What? You don't need to call your Eddy-poo first?" I didn't know if he was completely mocking me or if he would be willing to use his communicating skills to let someone know where I'm at. "And get his permission, wife-to-be?" Yup. He was definitely mocking me.

"Actually, Jacob. I don't wanna think about Edward right now." Jacob snorted.

"Well that's a first!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, and it could be the last, the way you're acting."

"Sorry, I'll behave now." He saluted.

"Good."

We had talked most of the night away. It was now two in the morning before we decided to sleep.

Jacob had warmed up to his "normal" self. So we weren't worried about the warmth too much. The fire was blazing, and all we needed was a good cuddle.

"Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Where the heck did you go?"

"You mean the last few weeks?"

"Yeah."

"Well, just random places up in Alaska and Canada. And then later Idaho and Oregon. I just got back a few hours before you showed up." I was surprised at how far he'd gone. "And then," His faltering caught my attention.

"What?" I asked curious.

"Well, where we're at now…my mom used to bring me here when I was younger and sometimes Rachel and Rebecca would come, when they weren't too busy with their boyfriends." He rolled his eyes at the memory. "And Billy would come too, you know, before he became diabetic." He sighed.

"Oh." I said, taking it all in. "So this place must be really special to you. It sure is beautiful."

"Yeah, you could say that." He was playing with a twig, drawing in the dirt.

"Well, don't let me spoil your memory of your mom." I said getting up, getting ready to go.

"Wait. Bella! Where are you going?"

"Well, I really shouldn't ruin your memory."

"Bells, that's crazy. You're _very_ special to me. If anyone, you would be the only person I'd bring up here." He threw the twig far into the trees. "Besides I've tons of memories of my mom." I went back over to him and flopped into his welcoming arms.

"Really?" I asked.

"Sure. She was…really different." He chuckled. "Almost like you." he said bumping into me. "See, she was this extraordinary person. She was mature and immature at the same time. I guess you could say she had downs, I mean she was clumsy. But her smile." He grinned at thought. "It was beautiful. She would always take me somewhere new every weekend. We would go hiking in the woods, explore some caves, or just go driving to random places. She was my best friend. And Bella, seriously, she was the best cook.

"You mean better than Billy's spaghetti?" I joked.

"Even better." He sighed. "I miss her too much. And I guess the reason I'm so in love with you is because you're like her in some ways. I wish I was more like her." He frowned. "I'm a lot like Billy."

"Well you are a real mechanical genius. But I can see how you're a lot like your mom."

"I guess. And I mean the weird thing was that I was so upset that I couldn't phase back. You know like with Sam. I didn't want to go back home a wolf, so that's when I thought of this place." He said, dropping the subject. I didn't know if talking about her mad Jacob sad.

"So, the distance, is that why the pack couldn't hear you?" I asked one of the many questions I was dying to know. He laughed his throaty laugh. His warm breath tickled my ears.

"I suppose. But I tried to block them. Why? Did it work?"

" I think it might have."

"How are they? Sam? Billy?" He asked, eagerly.

"They're fine. But they're really worried. Charlie too. And me."

"Obviously." He joked.

"And they're glad that you're finally home, sorta. Especially Leah."

"Leah?" Jacob seemed a little taken aback."

"Yeah. She wanted to apologize."

"Oh." Jake looked down, his dark hair falling into his eyes. I didn't want to get in his business. So I didn't ask.

"Well I know I sure missed you." I said into his ear.

"Right." He scoffed.

"No, really."

"It's going to be the same. Like the last time. Don't you get it Bella?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We can't be friends. I thought it would work. I want it to work. But, I don't know. You're going to be married soon."

"That doesn't change anything. I know things won't be the same after the wedding. But before that I'm going to try, Jake. I'm honestly going to try as hard as I can to be with you. Don't forget that I love you too." He was silent for a moment, probably absorbing all of it in.

"So what? After the wedding I'm just supposed to pretend you're dead? His voice grew angrier.

"No!" I hesitated slightly. " I don't know yet. I don't know anything." I began to sob again. This was getting embarrassing.

"Al I know is that I love you _and_ Edward. And I'm going to be changed so I could be with him, forever. I want the of both of you. That sounds horrible. God, I'm so evil." This time Jacob moved over and wrapped his warm arms around me tight.

"It's okay Bella. I'm sorry." He apologized.

"No, it's my fault." I argued. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know Bella. I don't know." I cried in his arms and deep inside I knew I was really supposed to be with him. And that either way someone was going to get hurt. I wouldn't be able to stop it. I just can't fight it anymore. There's no use.

"Jake…how, _why_ do you love me? I'm such a monster!" I groaned. He laughed.

"I'm the one with sharp teeth, pointy ears, a furry tail, and you're calling yourself a monster?"

"I wish, that there was someone would could love you when I can't. Like imprinting. A perfect distraction for you."

"I don't even know if I'm going to imprint. And besides there isn't a distraction big enough."

"Jake. Why do you love me?"

"Oh, that's easy. Well I already told you part of the reason. Bella, don't you see? We're perfect together. We're meant to be, we're soul mates. I love you. I'll always love you forever, no matter what." I could feel the sweet warmth coming from his mouth. Oh no! I couldn't let this happen. This moment, I knew would change everything…if I let it happen. But it was too late, in mere seconds; he sealed the distance and perhaps our fate, between us.

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**Note:** I may post some other Twilight work and possibly post the short and unfinished second chapter for this. REVIEW please!


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